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I pray for my future.

my future career.

my future beloved husband.

my future kids.

everythingggg.
I think beyond today a lot.

Whether it be a good thing or a bad thing.

I say Lord guide me and bless me with wisdom
now and always.

I don’t know.

I dunno.

I dunnno.

I really am.

i cry.

i cry a lot.

when I’m happy. when I’m sad. When I’m mad. when i’m scared.

it’s funny how everyone says it’ll make you feel better after. but i just. i don’t know. that knot. just. not. the. best. feeling.

you know.

tired of poising my own brain.

see that’s the thing.

If I went on this thing more often, I’d write more than anything.
lol. 
Y’all would get tired of me on your dash.

I’m struggling God.

I’m struggling with my fear,

my insecurities,

my impatience,

my selfish ambition,

my selfish everything,

my humane nature,

my past,

my jealousy.

You know my heart,

and that’s amazing to me. like DAMN. You’re awesome haha.

I come before you with the little that I am.

I’m so insignificant compared to everything you do. Yet you tell me I am beautiful because I am from You and only You can create perfection.

Help me ACCEPT the things I cannot understand and not be resentful towards you God. It’s so easy to ask “WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?!” and to ponder “What did I do to deserve this?” but in the end it’s not about me. I trust in Your divine plan. I do. 

Just help me.

my life has purpose.

and so does the person’s reading this.

we were created to do something with our gifts during this lifetime.

but most importantly to glorify God with our lives.

it’s so easy to forget, it’s so easy not to care, it’s so easy to get lost.

I ask you today and everyday to get me through.

The day I see You, I know You’re NOT gonna care how smart my children were  or how pretty I was or how much money I made or how fascinating my career was. You’re gonna ask what I did with what YOU gave me. Guide me to use this love I have for you and use it in this world. To share it freely. Help me focus on the bigger picture.

I’m not here to please anyone.

just to live for You.

and in the end.

even if it’s not what I want.

even if life doesn’t go how I want it to. I know it’ll be alright. Cus I trust you. You tell me not to fear, not to worry, and I trust Your word Lord. I trust that You will guide me to happiness, to peace. Serenity. 

why?

We never change, do we?